There is something seriously wrong with Dr. Boyfriend.

He gets to talk to people all day, rounding with patients, seeing his friends in lecture, being quizzed by attendings. I spend my workday in a cubicle on a computer “researching” (and playing Scrabble with a coworker). I don’t talk to  ANYONE all day. When  I get home, I am desperate for some human contact. He is just tired (and lame.) Of course, the only time he wants to talk is when I’m reading. or knitting something complicated I have to pay attention to. Or watching Ugly Betty. Do I bother you during 24? Huh? Or Lost? Well Ugly Betty is MY Lost! So leave me alone or else I will pause the DVR and stare at you in annoyance and later google Lost spoilers and work them into casual  conversation. This also goes for Doctor Who and Primeval and even the disgusting plastic surgery shows I watch on Discovery Health.

“I cut into a brain today” “mmm hmmm” “It was cool” “That’s nice dear.” “I want to be a neurologist” “Adorable” “Lars, aren’t you listening???”

No. No I am not. I am reading/knitting/watching Ugly Betty/fighting a boss monster/planning Halloween costumes/singing in my head/doing whatever it is I  decided to do when you became to tired or busy to talk to me. Damn straight.

In fact, what I am probably doing is planning our wedding that is 158 days away. The wedding you have done nothing to help with. The wedding that  is  driving me crazy because I suggested eloping, which you vetoed. The wedding that should have been small but thus far has gotten big, the wedding I am working on without any input from you, even though you are the liaison to your side of the family.

I might even be fine with this except the little issue of changing my name. His choices for me are option A: take his last name or option B: keep my last name but he and the kids will have his last name and I get to be odd man out.

No thanks. See, I have an AWESOME last name. It’s short but no one can pronounce it and it begins with Z so I’m always last which can be good or can be bad, and it’s super ethnic so I get to bring up that I’m 100 percent Polish, but the point is it is remarkable and therefore is a huge part of me.

His, however, begins with an A. LAME. It is unremarkable and boring and my first and his last together are the name of a celebrity. Who I kind of look like. Why on earth would I want to change my name?

My options for him are option A: we both hyphenate our last names. B: Only I hyphenate my name, but so do our kids. C: Our names stay, kids hyphenate. D: We both change to a new last name altogether. I suggested “Wu” or maybe “Jenklebriggs”. Option E: We make no compromises or progress and fight about it.

Thus far we have chosen E.

Ok, we do not seriously fight, we’re in love or whatever and are getting married so none of this is a big deal. I like to rant though, and this was a perfect opportunity.